Why Do You Do That?Tips for Initiating a "Difficult Dialogue."
I've noticed that you do something, and I'm curious about your reasons...
[Explain and illustrate the behavior]
Can you tell me what you do this?
If so, I’d like you to visit a blog called Why Do You Do That?.
Just point your browser to http://www.whydoyoudothat.com and check it out. You will not be asked to post any personal information; you can use a fake name or post anonymously. So you can write without fear of embarrassment or hassle.
While you’re there, you can also propose your own Why Do You Do That? topic for others to answer.
I hope you’ll consider this invitation, and I appreciate your time.
PS: You must read and accept the terms prior to participation on Why Do You Do That?. These terms are explained when you visit the blog.
In developing this site, I've consulted with experts in interpersonal communication, folks whose academic and professional concentrations center on these sorts of complex and risky interactions. Some advice that you might consider:
1. When broaching a topic, focus on the why. Approaching this sort of dialogue from a position of curiosity rather than judgment reduces the risk of a person feeling threatened by your question. Remember: you're trying to understand the behavior not condemn the person.
2. If inviting a comment personally (rather than by paper), consider your surroundings. If you're in a public place, the person whom you're asking may feel embarrassed by the question. Think about waiting until the person has an "out." In other words, wait until the person can choose to interact with you in a place that does not invite public scrutiny.
3. If inviting a comment personally, present yourself in a non-confrontational manner. Avoid forceful gestures such as pointed fingers, and avoid defensive gestures such as crossed arms. Maintain an open facial appearance, aided by a pleasant and genuine smile. And ensure that your voice is warm and friendly. A non-threatening demeanor increases the likelihood of a positive interaction.
4. If the person whom you're inviting to comment reacts negatively, do not get into an argument. Just let the interaction conclude calmly. It's generally better to leave a dialogue without satisfaction than to exacerbate the moment until one or both of you begin to utter "fighting words."
5. Finally, remember: Dialogue goes both ways. If you ask an awkward question, be prepared to receive one in return.
1 comment:
Why do you fuss at other drivers while driving when they cannot hear you?
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